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105 Days.

It's been 105 days since my last blog post. It was August. The weather was still warm. It's not that I haven't had anything to say, the problem is I've had too much to say. Since I was 16 blogging has been a place of comfort for me. For the last 105 days I've been running away from it. This past year I did a few posts about "coming to terms" with certain things in my life. Though I thought I was coming to terms and becoming a better me I think I got lost and forgot who I actually am. I am a firm believer that there are moments in our lives that define us for good or for bad. Too quickly we forget why we do the things we do. We forget why we love our job. We forget why we like going to church. We forget why we post pictures on instagram. We forget why we make our beds. We forget why we call home. We forget why we spend time on ourselves. We forget why we serve. We forget why we want to be good. We forget why we pray. We forget why we read our scriptures. We forget. We simply forget why. It was what felt like a single moment of "doneness" when I remembered. I have 23 kids who most days think I am the coolest person in the world. I have a Heavenly Father and a loving Christ who are with me always and love me unconditionally. I have a home that is warm and a bed that is safe. I have a family who has troubles and issues but they are always there for me. I have a life that has been given to me to live. My time on Earth is a small moment in the span of eternity. Each thing in my life is significant and is crucial to my worthiness to return to my Father in Heaven. I matter. I am important. My choices are important. The trials in my life are difficult. I've learned to ask for help. I am forever grateful for my knowledge and for the comfort I receive when I pray. With Christmas and the opportunity to see my family coming all too fast I have been so anxious.  I've wanted to buy the perfect gift. I've wanted to make each thing I do meaningful. I've also decided the perfect gift isn't worth it. The only thing about Christmas that matters is the celebration of our Saviors birth. That gift, the one true gift, is the only thing that matters.

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